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Krissy Jackson Premium Member Group moderator
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Start your week on the right foot by changing your thinking.
By Changing Your Thinking,
You change your beliefs;

When you change your beliefs,
You change your expectations;

When you change your expectations,
You change your attitude;

When you change your attitude,
You change your behavior;

When you change your behavior,
You change your performance;

When you change your performance;
You Change Your Life!

- Author Unknown

--
This newsletter has been written by moderator Krissy Jackson of the group "Entrepreneurs Playground".

Visit the group here: http://www.xing.com/net/ep/

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- 28 Oct 2007, 08:19 am
Krissy Jackson wrote: > By Changing Your Thinking, > You change your beliefs; > > When you change your beliefs, > You change your expectations; > > When you change your expectations, > You change your attitude; > > When you change your attitude, > You change your behavior; > > When you change your behavior, > You change your performance; > > When you change your performance; > You Change Your Life! > > - Author Unknown > > -- > This newsletter has been written by moderator Krissy Jackson of the > group "Entrepreneurs Playground". > > Visit the group here: http://www.xing.com/net/ep/ > > Click here to cancel your newsletter subscription: > http://www.xing.com/app/network?op=newslettercancel&name=ep
João (JC) Duarte
(not a XING member)

Re: Start your week on the right foot by changing your thinking.
Expect Less!

I’ve just returned from an amazing week in San Francisco where I attended an Inspiring Speaker Workshop. The most relevant takeaway for this post came from former Saturday Night live writer Jim Pelley, now with his own Laughter Works http://www.laughterworks.com. Whilst teaching us about the significance of humor & story telling, very early on in his session he promised to tell us the secret of happiness. I waited very attentively during the rest of the session until he came to his point.

Expect less! Yes, that the secret! I’ll explain; After recounting a personal tail of a great loss and the profound impact it had on him, he made a very distinct point about the relevance we give to many trivial matters and how we could better cope with life by just adjusting our expectations. His personal tale included how he used to seem to always have his flights canceled when he arrived at the airport. Eventually, rather than rushing through traffic stressed out, he began to expect that his flight would be canceled or delayed. When he arrived and it was on-time, wow, what a pleasant surprise. When it was delayed or canceled, well, he was right, and put to god work a good reading book or other material to occupy himself with.

On my way to San Francisco I had booked on-line what I thought was a really cool window seat in cattle class. Turns out that the actual plane configuration is different from the on line version and I got stuck in a cramp middle seat. Fortunately, once the plane took off, I was able to move to an isle seat. My irritation was only lessened by the beautiful “50 something” couple sitting next to me that shared so many loving moments, they were actually challenging Maria & I for creativity, but still, the remainder of the flight just wasn’t the same.

For my return flight to Barcelona this past Tuesday, I decided to take Jim’s advice and expect less. Even though I had adjusted my on-line reservation, and at the check-in counter confirmed I would have a window seat, I just expected they would get it wrong again. I wasn’t placed where I thought I would be, but seat 36L of flight AF083 was a once-in-a-lifetime pleasant surprise. The plane was full, and yet I had two empty seats next to my window seating. The universe had rewarded my serving nature and granted me 2 empty seats to stretch my legs into. The TV screen in the isle ceiling was at a perfect inclination, thus not forcing my neck whilst viewing the movies. I read a book in-between meals & movies as if sitting on my lounge in Barcelona. In stark contrast to my trip to SF just one week before, where I was expecting more, Jim Pelleys’ secret to happiness (expect less) paid off!

This past week since returning to Barcelona I've been expecting less in many regards, and my life has been a quite pleasant series of surprises, both on a professional note, as well as a personal one. Mind you, I haven't lessoned my criteria for excellence or performance measurement, I just expect less and therefore am very objective in my analysis of the results I'm seeing.

How are your expectations getting in the way of your happiness?
- 28 Oct 2007, 11:54 am
João (JC) Duarte wrote: > Expect Less! > > I’ve just returned from an amazing week in San Francisco where I > attended an Inspiring Speaker Workshop. The most relevant takeaway > for this post came from former Saturday Night live writer Jim Pelley, > now with his own Laughter Works www.laughterworks.com. Whilst > teaching us about the significance of humor & story telling, very > early on in his session he promised to tell us the secret of > happiness. I waited very attentively during the rest of the session > until he came to his point. > > Expect less! Yes, that the secret! I’ll explain; After recounting a > personal tail of a great loss and the profound impact it had on him, > he made a very distinct point about the relevance we give to many > trivial matters and how we could better cope with life by just > adjusting our expectations. His personal tale included how he used to > seem to always have his flights canceled when he arrived at the > airport. Eventually, rather than rushing through traffic stressed > out, he began to expect that his flight would be canceled or delayed. > When he arrived and it was on-time, wow, what a pleasant surprise. > When it was delayed or canceled, well, he was right, and put to god > work a good reading book or other material to occupy himself with. > > On my way to San Francisco I had booked on-line what I thought was a > really cool window seat in cattle class. Turns out that the actual > plane configuration is different from the on line version and I got > stuck in a cramp middle seat. Fortunately, once the plane took off, I > was able to move to an isle seat. My irritation was only lessened by > the beautiful “50 something” couple sitting next to me that shared so > many loving moments, they were actually challenging Maria & I for > creativity, but still, the remainder of the flight just wasn’t the > same. > > For my return flight to Barcelona this past Tuesday, I decided to > take Jim’s advice and expect less. Even though I had adjusted my > on-line reservation, and at the check-in counter confirmed I would > have a window seat, I just expected they would get it wrong again. I > wasn’t placed where I thought I would be, but seat 36L of flight > AF083 was a once-in-a-lifetime pleasant surprise. The plane was full, > and yet I had two empty seats next to my window seating. The universe > had rewarded my serving nature and granted me 2 empty seats to > stretch my legs into. The TV screen in the isle ceiling was at a > perfect inclination, thus not forcing my neck whilst viewing the > movies. I read a book in-between meals & movies as if sitting on my > lounge in Barcelona. In stark contrast to my trip to SF just one week > before, where I was expecting more, Jim Pelleys’ secret to happiness > (expect less) paid off! > > This past week since returning to Barcelona I've been expecting less > in many regards, and my life has been a quite pleasant series of > surprises, both on a professional note, as well as a personal one. > Mind you, I haven't lessoned my criteria for excellence or > performance measurement, I just expect less and therefore am very > objective in my analysis of the results I'm seeing. > > How are your expectations getting in the way of your happiness?
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H. Dean Hua Group moderator
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Re^3: Start your week by partying till you drop.
How bout starting the week right by hosting and attending one too many Halloween parties this weekend. Does that count?

I haven't partied this hard in a long time and I'm still buzzed by all of this.

On Friday, I helped hosted a Halloween Costume party for 100 people or so. It's the same party that had more cleavage than any guy can ever dream of. Yes, Halloween- the one weekend where girls have an excuse to dress trashy and no one will mind. It's the same damn party that had some guy flash his "treat" as part of the trick during the costume contest. Too many people were scarred for life on that image.

And then once the main party was over, I attended the 80s night after-party that was going on at a club the same night. We all took over that place and the dance floor. Nothing like dancing to Eddie Money's, "Take Me Home Tonight." Bring back the 80s!

And then once that was over, it was 2am and I still didn't want to go home. So I decided to take the hard-core party goers and we went to a 24/7 korean bbq restaurant. The look on some of the Korean patrons face when they saw a fully dressed Chinese guy dressed up in full make of a zombie was priceless. I didn't get home till 4:30am because of the party, the after-party, and the after-after party.

And then the next night, I had to attend one more party for a friend. That was tame but I needed tame and I'm not sure if I can handle any more excitement. Actually, I could. The mind was willing but the body wasn't.

I haven't had a weekend like this for a while.

And for people like Sunny whose always asking for pics, just check my Facebook in a couple of days. Pics will be posted. Especially of the guy who is about to show his "treat". You'll even find pics of me in my infamous baby costume. Sorry, only friends who are connected to me can see the photos of me making a fool of myself. lol.

What a way to start off the week....
This post was modified on 29 Oct 2007 at 06:35 am.
- 29 Oct 2007, 06:34 am
H. Dean Hua wrote: > How bout starting the week right by hosting and attending one too > many Halloween parties this weekend. Does that count? > > I haven't partied this hard in a long time and I'm still buzzed by > all of this. > > On Friday, I helped hosted a Halloween Costume party for 100 people > or so. It's the same party that had more cleavage than any guy can > ever dream of. Yes, Halloween- the one weekend where girls have an > excuse to dress trashy and no one will mind. It's the same damn party > that had some guy flash his "treat" as part of the trick during the > costume contest. Too many people were scarred for life on that image. > > And then once the main party was over, I attended the 80s night > after-party that was going on at a club the same night. We all took > over that place and the dance floor. Nothing like dancing to Eddie > Money's, "Take Me Home Tonight." Bring back the 80s! > > And then once that was over, it was 2am and I still didn't want to go > home. So I decided to take the hard-core party goers and we went to a > 24/7 korean bbq restaurant. The look on some of the Korean patrons > face when they saw a fully dressed Chinese guy dressed up in full > make of a zombie was priceless. I didn't get home till 4:30am because > of the party, the after-party, and the after-after party. > > And then the next night, I had to attend one more party for a friend. > That was tame but I needed tame and I'm not sure if I can handle any > more excitement. Actually, I could. The mind was willing but the body > wasn't. > > I haven't had a weekend like this for a while. > > And for people like Sunny whose always asking for pics, just check my > Facebook in a couple of days. Pics will be posted. Especially of the > guy who is about to show his "treat". You'll even find pics of me in > my infamous baby costume. Sorry, only friends who are connected to me > can see the photos of me making a fool of myself. lol. > > What a way to start off the week....
Dr. Marlena Corcoran Premium Member Group moderator
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Re^4: Start your week by partying till you drop.
Just reading about Dean's Halloween was enough for me. I'm sitting here trying to remember what I did on Halloween. Oh, right! I attended a finissage dinner for an artist whose work I admire at a gallery I also applaud, and--since I was a little overdressed--I murmurred something about my "witch's costume." It was head-to-toe Issey Miyake. Well, I had some black feathers in my hair.
- 03 Nov 2007, 10:06 pm
Dr. Marlena Corcoran wrote: > Just reading about Dean's Halloween was enough for me. I'm sitting > here trying to remember what I did on Halloween. Oh, right! I > attended a finissage dinner for an artist whose work I admire at a > gallery I also applaud, and--since I was a little overdressed--I > murmurred something about my "witch's costume." It was head-to-toe > Issey Miyake. Well, I had some black feathers in my hair.
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H. Dean Hua Group moderator
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Re^3: Start your week on the right foot by changing your thinking.
Work hard, play hard :)

Gunes,
I hear the word balance tossed out all the time. But I think it's rarely achieved because something always comes along to throw it out of balance.

You can still demand excellence of yourself and of life, but still learn to expect less. It's really about trying to manage your expecations. For example, you want to have alot of clients for your business which in turn makes your business successful. But you don't always expect for every new inquiry to become your client.

Or another example is;

I'm willing to demand excellence out of a relationship with my significant other whom I'm just started dating with. But I don't put too much hope into it considering it's a new relationship. So I manage my expectations of the short-term.

As they say in economics, the long term is made up of many short terms. Focus on the long term, but manage the short-terms.
This post was modified on 05 Nov 2007 at 09:48 pm.
- 05 Nov 2007, 9:46 pm
H. Dean Hua wrote: > Work hard, play hard :) > > Gunes, > I hear the word balance tossed out all the time. But I think it's > rarely achieved because something always comes along to throw it out > of balance. > > You can still demand excellence of yourself and of life, but still > learn to expect less. It's really about trying to manage your > expecations. For example, you want to have alot of clients for your > business which in turn makes your business successful. But you don't > always expect for every new inquiry to become your client. > > Or another example is; > > I'm willing to demand excellence out of a relationship with my > significant other whom I'm just started dating with. But I don't put > too much hope into it considering it's a new relationship. So I > manage my expectations of the short-term. > > As they say in economics, the long term is made up of many short > terms. Focus on the long term, but manage the short-terms.
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H. Dean Hua Group moderator
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Re^5: Start your week on the right foot by changing your thinking.
Oh sorry. I was just using a hypothetical situation, Sunny :)
- 06 Nov 2007, 05:16 am
H. Dean Hua wrote: > Oh sorry. I was just using a hypothetical situation, Sunny :)
João (JC) Duarte
(not a XING member)

Re^3: Start your week on the right foot by changing your thinking.
Hi Gunes,

Well, it’s not actually about not expecting anything of anyone, but rather measuring your expectations in regards to the depth of the relationship. Similar to Deans’ post, I share the belief that most of us have high expectations of ourselves, and therefore we expect the same level of integrity form everyone, then we will consistently be disappointed. Therefore I have a differencing level of expectations for differencing levels of relationships. I guess it’s my version of relationship management.

There is an excellent concept that I’ve applied as a tool & I call it the “circles principle” which derived after reading the book “Circles” by Kerry Armstrong http://www.amazon.com/dp/1740661257?tag=charminguycom-20&.... If it’s an airline that I have little to no experience with, the expectations are low until proven otherwise. If it’s an early stage relationship, the expectations are lower (obviously higher than a supplier or airline) and grow over time as I get to know the person. etc.. does that make sense?

It’s really about not expecting anything at the outset and then setting the expectations in relevance to the persons behavior, vs. setting the expectations on what we’d like. Fact is, as emotional human beings, sometimes we expect (desire) things that really may not be reasonable to ask from someone else. Usually because two people are on a different stage of separate journeys. Balance comes when we can be "OK" with this and not take it personally when we get conflicting thoughts, or give meaning to these thoughts without understanding what’s triggering the reaction from the other person.

When it comes to expectations from oneself, then it’s a personal matter of determining if you are satisfied with the effort that you put in. Did you give it your best? Did you shoot for the moon but at least landed amongst the stars? If you came up short, made a mistake or just weren’t as diligent as you could have been, did you learn something in the process to effect change in the future? Every failure or shortcoming is a lesson in disguise. And if your concerted effort was reduced because you preferred to give of yourself and dedicate some time to a personal matter or relationship, as long as that’s aligned with your purpose, then it only means that you were true to your core values and therefore you have achieved “balance”.

Those are my thoughts and I’m so glad that others like Dean have contributed with their own view points. Any others? Anybody else want to share their views on this?
- 06 Nov 2007, 10:27 am
João (JC) Duarte wrote: > Hi Gunes, > > Well, it’s not actually about not expecting anything of anyone, but > rather measuring your expectations in regards to the depth of the > relationship. Similar to Deans’ post, I share the belief that most of > us have high expectations of ourselves, and therefore we expect the > same level of integrity form everyone, then we will consistently be > disappointed. Therefore I have a differencing level of expectations > for differencing levels of relationships. I guess it’s my version of > relationship management. > > There is an excellent concept that I’ve applied as a tool & I call it > the “circles principle” which derived after reading the book > “Circles” by Kerry Armstrong > http://www.amazon.com/dp/1740661257?tag=charminguycom-20&camp=14573&cr > eative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=1740661257&adid=1WE3SG7RSW4V0T > YDEP4A&. If it’s an airline that I have little to no experience with, > the expectations are low until proven otherwise. If it’s an early > stage relationship, the expectations are lower (obviously higher than > a supplier or airline) and grow over time as I get to know the > person. etc.. does that make sense? > > It’s really about not expecting anything at the outset and then > setting the expectations in relevance to the persons behavior, vs. > setting the expectations on what we’d like. Fact is, as emotional > human beings, sometimes we expect (desire) things that really may not > be reasonable to ask from someone else. Usually because two people > are on a different stage of separate journeys. Balance comes when we > can be "OK" with this and not take it personally when we get > conflicting thoughts, or give meaning to these thoughts without > understanding what’s triggering the reaction from the other person. > > When it comes to expectations from oneself, then it’s a personal > matter of determining if you are satisfied with the effort that you > put in. Did you give it your best? Did you shoot for the moon but at > least landed amongst the stars? If you came up short, made a mistake > or just weren’t as diligent as you could have been, did you learn > something in the process to effect change in the future? Every > failure or shortcoming is a lesson in disguise. And if your concerted > effort was reduced because you preferred to give of yourself and > dedicate some time to a personal matter or relationship, as long as > that’s aligned with your purpose, then it only means that you were > true to your core values and therefore you have achieved “balance”. > > Those are my thoughts and I’m so glad that others like Dean have > contributed with their own view points. Any others? Anybody else want > to share their views on this?